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Home > Collective Diary > I feel good today. Before the diagnosis I was ...

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I feel good today. Before the diagnosis I was ...

0-1Months

Rebekah D. on January 5, 2009

I was Diagnosed with:

Ovarian and Endometrial Cancer

Employment Status:

Employed but on leave

Gender/Age:

30

Type and Description of Treatments:

Treatment for me has not begun. I will see my doctor on 01/06/09 and we will discuss treatment options at that time. He did mention chemo and the possibility of radiation. My port was put in on Christmas Eve.

How do you feel today?

I feel good today. Before the diagnosis I was extremely tired. Since the surgery, every day I feel myself getting stronger physically. It's the emotional part I'm worried about. I'm Sally Sunshine; Polly Positive. I'm so busy being upbeat for everyone else that I'm wearing myself out. Should I stop being positive for them?

Since the diagnosis, what has changed in your life?

I'm really emotional. I was diagnosed with Polysistic Ovary Syndrome when I was in high school and my doctor told me I would never have kids but I never really believed that. I always felt my purpose in life was to be someone's mother and now that will never happen naturally. I mean, I'm 30. I shouldn't have to be going through this. I was watching A Baby Story earlier and just started balling because I'll never get to experience the joy or pain of being a mom. I cry a lot when no one is looking.

What is going well for you right now?

I have a lot of support. My sisters have been great and my nephew (who had leukemia and is now cancer free at 8 yrs old) has told me he is going to go with me to all my chemo treatments. He says since he has been through it he will hold my hand and tell me what to expect. My church has been wonderful too. They've dropped off food baskets and sat with my family during surgery and even cooked food for us. They're the best.

What is not going well for you right now?

Again with the whole emotional thing. I'm very very emotional.

What has been the most challenging thing about having cancer?

I was just diagnosed so for me right now the most challenging thing about having cancer was being told I have cancer and knowing I can't have any natural children.

When difficulties overwhelm you, where do you go for support?

I pray and I talk to friends.

How have your long-term goals or life goals changed since diagnosis?

Long term goals haven't changed. My goal is still to be a mother. I've started looking into adoption. I figure there are enough kids out there already and I have plenty of love to give.

What is your work arrangement right now? What are your hours?

I'm not working. The doctor hasn't released me yet but hopefully that will change tomorrow. When I do get to go back to work I will only be working 30 hours. I'm the manager of a staffing office so the work is pretty easy and not that stressful but it is a long drive from my house to the office.

Since the diagnosis, what has changed in your work life?

Nothing much except that I'm not currently working. It's only been two weeks since the surgery but hopefully I can get the doctor to release me. Some say I'm moving too fast but I honestly believe getting back to work and to my regular schedule will not only make me feel better but help keep me healthy.

What has helped you continue to work the most?

Can't answer yet.

What advice do you have for others trying to work through treatment?

I'm too new to give advice and as I mentioned earlier, I haven't started treatment yet.

If "today's you" could give advice to "day-of-diagnosis you," what would you say?

Hang in there. Some people you thought would be there for you are going to turn their backs on you but hold on, you'll find the strength you need to heal from some very unexpected sources.

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